Alternatives: Mutual Masturbation

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex is that in order to enjoy being with each other sexually you need to have intercourse. Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered to go to all the "trouble" of having intercourse, especially if you have to use condoms or other forms of birth control. Maybe it is far too hot to think about pressing your bodies together or you're bored with having intercourse every time you want to be intimate. Perhaps you want to be sexually active with your partner but intercourse is not an available option. One alternative is mutual masturbation.

Mutual masturbation is a sexual act where two or more people stimulate themselves or one another sexually, usually with the hands. You can either bring yourselves to orgasm this way or use it as foreplay. This is an excellent opportunity to share what feels better for you and teach your partner how to better please you. This form of sex also has the advantage of being considered a very safe form of sex as there's very little chance of getting an STD and no chance of getting pregnant.

Method One
In this method each person involved stimulates their own body while their partner watches. There may be some touching and caressing between the partners but the actual masturbation is done by themselves. While you're doing this you can show your partner how you touch yourself and use it as a tutorial for them to learn how to better please you.

This is a good way to introduce the concept into the relationship. This method can also be used via webcams, with or without phone sex or cyber sex, in long distance relationships or while one partner is travelling.

Method Two
In this method the partners stimulate each other. This method can either be the means to the end or used as foreplay. This is one of my personal favorite forms of foreplay.

You can lay however you're comfortable so that you can easily reach each other. You can kiss, caress, lick, etc. other parts of the body while you focus your hands on the other person's genitals. You can use toys too but I wouldn't when you're first starting to do this and don't use them for the purpose of insertion. This is about pleasure without intercourse.

You can apply what you've learned from watching your partner pleasure themselves and guide each other's movements to make it more pleasurable. Take time to explore your partner and try new things. What may work when touching ourselves may not work when it is someone else, but they might discover a way to touch you that sends you over the moon.

In the past my partners and I have enjoyed using this time to share fantasies, especially my partners who have been better at telling the fantasy verbally than writing it down like I prefer, or tell how we want to have sex with each other at some other time.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. Mutual masturbation is a very erotic and fun alternative to intercourse. Use this time to explore and get to know both your own body and your partner's body better. I'm sure you will not regret it.

The New Sex Revolution: Back to the Basics

::stands:: Hi. My name is Nancy and I love sex.

I love everything about it. I have since I first discovered masturbation when I was 12 years old. I have had a unsatiable desire to learn as much as I could about it and have an open mind.

As much as I loved sex and wanted to start when I was 15, it wasn't until my early 20s that I had sex for the first time. It was amazing and my partner, who later became my husband, was interested in exploring and we had sex on a regular basis, at least three times a week. Even when things started going downhill for us we still had sex on a regular basis.

I've had several partners since then, both male and female, and have learned so much from each of them. A couple of the guys I have been with were married and one of the things that I learned is that while they still loved their wives they needed more in the bedroom, which is why they were straying. That once every few weeks to once a month thing just wasn't working for them. I don't blame them! It doesn't work for me either.

A friend of mine told me today that the average couple has sex ONE time a week. For couples with younger kids that one time a week becomes once every two weeks! I didn't want to believe her but a bit of research on the Internet has backed up her claim. No wonder there is so much stress and road rage!

Personally I would be happy with at least once a day, though more would be better, but was reasonably satisfied with the three or four times a week I was having it with first my husband then my long term boyfriend. If the sex had been bad it probably would have been harder to deal with but it was almost always good. With my boyfriend I think I can only remember like 10 times in the last five years that I didn't have an orgasm. That's pretty impressive I think!

Anyway, this blog is going to be about sex and helping couples start having more and better sex. I don't have all the answers but if I only help one couple then the world is that much better off. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask and leave me comments to let me know if stuff works for you or not.