Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is about teaching yourself how to better control when you orgasm, or how long you can last before you have an orgasm. It is typically used in BDSM but not always. This can work for men and women and the end result will be a much more intense orgasm.

How to Do It:

This is generally practiced alone. Set yourself a goal of like masturbating for 20 minutes before you orgasm. When you’ve been able to hold off the full time for a few days in a row, like 3 or 4 days, then make it 25 minutes. Keep adding five or ten minutes each time you have a series of successes. The goal is to get to an hour or more.

Tips:

• If you're getting close then back off but don't stop. You should maintain contact throughout.
• You may need to use a lube of some sort to make sure that it is comfortable during the entire practice session.
• Keep track of your successes and jot down what seems to work better for you.
• Try to do this daily if possible.
• This is a skill that needs to be practiced to be able to maintain.

Orgasm control can be difficult to do as partially it requires a time commitment and focus but there is no reason why you cannot train yourself to hold off your orgasm for an hour or more. When you're comfortable with your solo success then you can add your partner, which should make it more challenging. This doesn't mean that the quickie is a thing of the past but it should allow you to extend your playing time.

A friend of mine has practiced solo orgasm control for a number of years now. He can now go more than an hour before he erupts in what he describes as an incredibly intense orgasm. He says he can regularly hit his face with his cum. He says that using a lube helps, especially towards the end. The only thing he warns about is that afterwards your cock may be very sensitive to being touched by anything.

The 'A-Spot'

There is a male version of the ‘g-spot’. It is known as the ‘a-spot’ or prostate gland. Stimulating his a-spot is very easy. This article will tell you almost everything you need to know about it.

Most men are a bit nervous about the idea of having their ass played with because of the stigma around it being something gay men do. They don’t want anyone thinking they’re gay or even bisexual just because they enjoy having their prostrate massaged. Odds are they will have already started exploring it themselves with their fingers, possibly in the shower or when masturbating. If it is something you’re interested in exploring further, or you’ve discovered that he’s been doing his own exploration, talk to him about it. Tell him you think it is a turn on and you’d like to try it out.

The first step is easy. While you’re giving him a blow job or a hand job reach between his legs and gently massage/caress the area around his ass hole. Maybe just press the tip of a finger against the opening but not penetrating. Do that for a bit and see how he reacts. Odds are it will make his cock a whole lot harder.

Safety Notes: Before we continue on this journey there are a couple of things you should be aware of. Always make sure the fingers that you’re planning on using during this time have been groomed so there are no ragged edges that could cut or chafe the inside of his ass. Cover your fingers with a condom. This will protect both your fingers and his ass by keeping everything nice and clean. Also, make sure you use lots of lube and that the lube is the kind that will not compromise the condom you’re using.

For step two you’ll need to make sure you have the condom and lube ready. Cover your index finger with the condom then coat it liberally with the lube. You’ll start doing step one again only this time you’ll actually slowly push your finger into the opening. As you gently apply force to get the finger in deeper move it around and stretch the hole a bit. You don’t even need to penetrate completely, continue at his comfort level. You could just gently finger fuck his ass as you suck on his cock or watch him masturbate.

Communication is essential! You need to listen to what he is saying. If he says something hurts, then stop doing it. If says it feels really good, keep doing it. If you don’t like something about it, you need to say something. He is also going to have to get used to being in a more submissive position and not being in control. You will have the power to make him feel pleasure or pain or a mixture of them. While not completely helpless, it is a position that will render him less capable of stopping the action.

The next step is full penetration. After he’s gotten used to having his ass fingered a bit he’ll be ready to have you slip your fingers in completely. Just go slowly and use steady pressure. Before long you’ll have your finger buried inside him. Let him get used to it as you lightly press against the muscles, massaging them so they’ll relax some. Now you can start looking for the ‘magic button’, also known as the A-Spot or prostrate gland.

In this picture, you can see how close the prostrate gland is to the canal leading to the rectum. It is about the length of your index finger deep into the body. It is very easy to find, just keep moving your finger around until he starts to moan. You’ll definitely know when you’ve hit it. He will most likely have a very strong reaction. It might be enough for him to blow his load right then and there, especially the first time. It is one of the few times I’ve seen a man’s body literally shake from the incredibly intense feeling.

Crook your fingers towards his stomach and gently massage the spot. While you’re doing this you can be sucking on his cock or giving him a hand job or he could be masturbating. He could be doing nothing else but just enjoying the sensations emanating from his ass. This action will make it virtually impossible for him to hold back for very long.

Once he is used to one finger, you can try adding a second one (they should fit into the same condom). If he’s comfortable with it, you can start to gently move the fingers in and out in a fucking motion. You should eventually, with enough massaging and experience, be able to really finger his ass like he would your pussy.

After he’s used to fingers you can introduce some toys. There are all kinds of toys out there for anal play—plugs, beads, vibrators, dildos and strap-ons. From short and thin ones for beginners to long, thick ones for more advanced players, there’s going to be one that will suit your needs. The plugs, which are designed to be held in place by their shape, are good for when he wants to feel full while he’s filling you. The beads are also good for this. Vibrators and dildos should be used more when there is going to be direct involvement.

Strap-ons can be used by either a man (they have hollow ones where an erect or semi-erect penis can go) or a woman. There are a variety of dildos and vibrators that can be used. Some are designed so that the woman has clitoral stimulation and/or a cock to slip inside her pussy while she’s using the other end on the man, but most are just regular looking cocks that you attach to a special harness.

When starting out go for the smaller butt plugs and fuck him gently until both you and he get used to the feel of it. Odds are you’ve never used a strap-on before so you’ll have to get used to the feel of wearing a cock, as well as sorting out the right angle to enter and all those things that seem to come more naturally to men. As you both get more comfortable you can move to bigger toys.

With some patience and a bit of initiative, this can be a very pleasurable addition to your sexual menu. It isn’t for everyone but I highly recommend giving it a try.

Just For Fun: Sex Toy Trivia

In the 1880s, a British doctor stepped in to invent the first electric vibrator, an industrial-size contraption meant to be a permanent fixture in a doctor's office. It was used as a treatment for the diagnosed afflictions hysteria and neurasthenia. The invention allowed women to reach their release in 10 minutes or so, whereas doing it by hand was a tedious process that could take up to an hour or more.

Erotic Zone: Cremaster Muscle

I have always enjoyed caressing and licking the inner thigh of my partners and they've always enjoyed the sensation it causes. I just never knew why it worked. Thanks to my research on Kegel's I discovered the cremaster muscle and the reason for their enjoyment.

The cremaster muscle, which lines the inside of the scrotum and extends into the groin, controls testicular contractions. It works kind of like a bungee cord, pulling the testicles upward in response to cold and releasing them when the temperature changes. Women also have this muscle but it is much different and doesn't seem to respond in the same way.

This muscle also responds to sexual stimulation, causing his balls to contract when he's about to orgasm. The closer a man is to climaxing, the more his testicles recede. If you pull down on his balls when you're in the midst of passion it will delay ejaculation and prolong his pleasure.

How To Do It:
Working against gravity and gently tug on his balls as you're giving him oral. Start by teasing his inner thighs with your tongue going from the top towards the knees. Then, take his penis into your mouth, cup the scrotum with one hand and pull it away from his body.

Start off very gently, and ask your partner to let you know how hard he wants you to pull. Get into a rhythmic pattern, working your hands in tandem with your mouth movements to virtually double the sensation.

Other Suggestions:
If you're looking for a way to tell your partner you're interested in playing, you can slip your hand between his legs and lightly caress his inner thigh with your fingertips going from the top towards the knees. His body will get the picture very quickly and this is something you can do at the movies, dinner (if you're sitting next to each other), in the car or curled up on the couch.

Sexercises: Do Your Kegel's

You may get embarrassed at the idea of doing exercises your pelvic area but you will reap amazing benefits from it. Beyond the sexual aspects it is also for better health for men and women.

History
Exercising the pubococcygeus muscle (or PC muscle) was first developed by the Taoist movement in China. Their exercises were meant to strengthen various muscles in order to promote health, longevity, spiritual development and better sex. Dr. Arnold Kegel brought attention to the idea and made it easier and more popular.

The PC Muscle
If you stop urinating mid-flow then you will find your PC muscle. Anybody who has ever tried to keep from urinating knows instinctively what muscles to tense in order to close the urethra. The muscle is located between the scrotum and the anus. Men can usually identify the PC muscle by tensing the muscles in their pelvic floor until they find the one that makes their penis jump. This is best done with an erect penis, because the movement of the penis is easier to observe.

Why Exercise the PC Muscle?
The goal of these exercises is to restore and increase the tone of the PC muscle by regular clenching and unclenching. A strong PC muscle helps men maintain control of erections and ejaculations, increases the flow of blood to the penis, keeps the prostate in check in old age and prevents incontinence. Women can also use these exercises to bring their vagina back into shape after the stretching caused by childbirth. The exercises are great for both men and women as they also prepare the pelvic floor for old age. Now for the best part: toned pelvic muscles, including the PC muscle, improve sexual control and play a key part in achieving orgasm.

What to Kegel
For optimal pelvic floor health you need to practice two types of kegel exercises: fast and slow. This is because there are actually two different types of muscle fibre in the pelvic floor.

Fast kegels improve how quickly your pelvic floor tightens when you cough or sneeze. They work on what's know as the Type II or fast twitch muscle fibers.

Slow kegel exercises will strengthen your muscles and improve the length of time you can consciously hold them. They build up and maintain the general level of muscle support in this area. Slow kegels help to avoid or reduce prolapse of any of the organs that the pelvic floor supports. Slow kegels are working on the Type I or slow twitch muscle fibers.

Some Techniques
The great thing about doing Kegel's exercises is that you can do them anywhere, anytime and no one will know it. There are also a variety of ways to do them so you won't get bored doing them.

• Sit on a hard chair; lean forward and tighten all your sphincter muscles, anal, vaginal, and urethral, in succession, front to back; hold the squeeze for one or two seconds; release, then contract from back to front.
• If you are in a line-up at the store, you can squeeze all your PC muscles and lift up. You will notice that when you do this, you tuck in your tailbone and tighten your abdominal muscles at the same time. That's a good thing. Now, gradually release the muscles slowly, one by one.
• You contract all the PC muscles quickly, and then release repeatedly.
• Squeeze your PC muscles briefly for a count of five; hold; then squeeze harder, and hold for another five seconds; then squeeze as hard as possible and hold again for a count of five. Then, slowly reverse the process, releasing a little, holding for five, repeat, until your muscles relax completely.

As with all exercise programs, start gradually. When your muscles begin to strengthen, increase the number of Kegels you do every day and the length of time you hold each contraction. You can test how well it is working when urinating and how fast/well you can stop the flow. Your partner should also be able to tell the difference as well.

Treasure Chest of Fun

Do you currently have any sex toys? Are they used only when playing by yourself or do you use them together? If you don't have any or you only use them when alone, then you're missing out on a great opportunity to explore and enhance your sex life. There are so many different kinds of toys out there from dildos and vibrators to pocket pals and cock rings. They come in a variety of colors and materials. You can even get dildos made of glass!

Dildos and Vibrators
This is really a preference thing. I don't typically like dildos for use on myself as they don't really add to what is going on. Vibrators, on the other hand, can be used on either partner almost anywhere to cause a tingling sensation. They can be used in so many different ways that they are a requirement for any toy treasure chest.

Anal Toys
These can really add to the fun and introduce a whole new avenue of fun for sex. They have kits that have a variety of sizes from very thin to about the size of a regular dildo. You can also get anal plugs that can be inserted and left there while you have intercourse the regular way. This could also, but not necessarily, lead you to the path of having anal sex. There are a few important things to remember: use lots of lube, clean toys really well afterwards, and if you're going to have anal sex, use a condom.

Pocket Pals
These toys are just for the boys but they could still be used for fun as a couple, perhaps just in foreplay. Typically these toys have a hole for the cock to be slid into then the guy pumps his cock in and out of it. Some of them vibrate. They come in a variety of styles including ones that look like pussies and asses.

Cock Rings
I had one lover who used them and it was to help keep his cock hard after things got started. These also come in a wide range of styles and materials. As long as they're used properly they can add a bit of extra pleasure for the guy. Some have bits added to help make the sex more pleasurable for the woman too.

Blindfolds
This can change your whole perception on touch, but does require a bit of trust. You don't know where you're going to be touched, how or with what putting the sense of touch in high gear. I know when I've been blindfolded everything that touches me has nearly twice the sensation it would have had otherwise and it takes a lot less time for me to get stimulated to orgasm.

Dolls
There are dolls for both genders (and animals, if you sway that way) and they can be used to 'add a friend' to the mix without the jealousy and trust issues. Some are more realistic than others, and the more realistic you get the more money it costs. These can be used in a variety of ways, and may seem silly at first but you never know.

These are just some of the toys you can have in your treasure chest of fun. You should have several different toys in your treasure chest and experiment with them in different ways. Who knows? Maybe you'll discover something new and exciting that gives you the best orgasm you've had in awhile.

Did I miss your favorite toy? How do you use your toys? Let us know!

Lights, Camera, Action: Porn in the Bedroom

A loose attempt at a plot, bad acting and way too many close-ups of things there should never be close-ups of are the common traits of most porn that is readily available at the local video store. But not all porn is like that. There are some out there that actually have stories and aren't just a great big continuous fuck fest. These are the movies that you want to bring into the bedroom with you.

Porn, obviously, is typically used to spark a physical reaction. Watching two (or more) people get it on can cause all sorts of wonderful things to happen to your body. But that's not all they're good for! They can also be used to give you ideas on new positions, better ways to do various acts like giving him a blowjob or fingering her, and even new ideas on where to have sex. Guys will probably appreciate this idea more than the gals but I am sure you'll be able to find something that works for both of you.

This could also be a good time to introduce your partner to something that you're interested in exploring. You could watch a video or two together to 'educate' your partner then maybe try it out yourselves. Or it could just be something you fantasize about but aren't interested in trying, you just enjoy watching people do that thing.

Home Videos
Gone are the days of the expensive home video camera, even digital video cameras aren't very expensive. All you need to become an amateur movie maker is a tripod, a bit of trust, and a willingness to try something new. Heck, you don't even have to really have a tape in the camera! Just the thought of having it all captured on film could be enough to get those juices really flowing.

Write a little story to go along with your movie making. Have all that stuff you do follow the storyline. Use your imagination and spice it up a bit. Pretend he's your Egyptian slave boy or that she's a geisha girl. Have a picnic at the shore and make love on the pretend beach otherwise known as your bed. Find a CD with waves crashing and other beach sounds to play to make it more realistic.

You could also make a special video present for your partner. Set the camera up in the bedroom, bathroom or wherever and masturbate while you say their name and talk about what you're imagining the two of you are doing.

I am a larger woman so watching my boyfriend go down on me has never really been an option. I could see him down there but I couldn't see what he was doing. One night he hooked the video camera up to the TV with no tape in and he held the camera as he ate me out so that I could see what it looked like. I had the most amazingly intense orgasm. Then while we were having sex he held the camera so I could watch him moving in and out of me. It was so amazing to get to see what he saw all the time.

This can be a great way to add a bit of spark to your bedroom fun. Just make sure you're both agreeing to the video taping and the use of the tape afterwards. Let us know what you did and how it turned out!

Caution: If you really do video tape yourselves having sex, make sure you remove the tape and put it somewhere safe. You do not want little Joey finding it!

Playing with Food

How many times as a kid were you told not to play with your food? Probably more times than you can count but that's all about to change. Not only should you play with your food you should bring it into the bedroom! Food makes for a great addition to bedroom fun. There are so many things you can do with it from eating, finger painting, licking and melting.

Chocolate:
Everyone loves chocolate and the bedroom is a perfect place for it. There is a natural chemical in chocolate that simulates the feeling of falling in love. You can feed each other some chocolate as you start the caressing and kissing and other types of foreplay.

Whipped Cream
This is a favorite bedroom treat. You'll want to get the stuff in a can, though I can see dropping dollops of the other stuff or using it like finger paint could be fun too. It is fun to create patterns and designs on the body with the whipped cream then lick it (and your partner) up. Use it all over. You never know where you might find an erogenous zone. The coolness of the whipped cream should give you a similar feeling as using ice (see below).

Cucumbers/Carrots/Squash
If you slip a condom over one of these veggies after it has been washed you'll find you have a unique play thing. This could be used alone or with a partner. For example, while you're in a 69 position he could slip it inside you for a unique feeling with all the bumps and unusual shapes. This is also good for those more impromptu adventures out and about and you don't have access to your toy chest. After you use the veggie for sex play you will want to throw it away, the stuff on the inside of a condom is not safe for human consumption.

Syrups/Pudding
You can use any flavor you like. Or you could find a variety of colors, which is easy with the pudding, and use it like fingerpaint on each other's bodies. You can use it like fabric paint and make 'puffier' lines with the syrup that you could fill in with the 'fingerpaint'. When you're all done lick each other clean.

Ice
Ice can cause incredible reactions with the coldness of the ice and the heat of your bodies. You can lightly caress nipples with an ice cube or her clit. You can hold the ice cube in your hand and let the cold water drip onto nipples or her clit. You could suck on it before going down on each other. If you're going to use prolonged exposure to an ice cube you should wrap it up so as not to cause damage like an ice burn.

These are just a few of the food items you can bring to bed with you and put to good use in spicing up your love life. Bon appetit!

What foods have you used? How did you use it? Did it enhance your love making?

Making Time: Moving Sex Up the Priorities List

I was talking to a friend the other night about my blog and its purpose. He said that my goal is nice and he would love to be having more sex but there just isn't time in their lives for it. That is a load of bullshit. I said it is no different than deciding to go to the gym to do a half hour workout. He said he'd never thought of it that way. Well, duh! Then he said he guessed sex was not as much a priority for them as it was for me and my partners.

When I was married we had regular sex from the time we started living together until things went really bad and we separated. He worked a full-time job while I worked various jobs, some were part-time and others full-time. He went to karate class twice a week. A few years after getting married we had a child. We were busy people with a lot of possible distractions and reasons to say "we're too tired to have sex" but we didn't. Sex was important to both of us and was a priority for helping to keep our relationship stronger.

Making it a Priority
Your sex life is only going to be better and more active if you choose to make it more a priority in your life. It isn't going to happen overnight and you will most likely have to make changes, possibly some major ones, in how things are done. And remember, you don't need an hour, though that would be wonderful! 15-30 minutes should be enough time to get mostly undressed and do the deed. Here are a few suggestions.

Schedule time to be intimate. Instead of going to the gym one night a week, choose to stay home and have a 'workout' in the bedroom. You'll still be burning calories and improving your general state of being.

Put a lock on the door. Tell the kids "it is Mommy and Daddy time" when the door is locked. Unless someone is really sick, seriously hurt or bleeding don't let them in. This will not only allow you the freedom to be intimate but it will also help your kids learn that parents need to take time for themselves too and will hopefully carry that thru to their relationships.

Pad the walls to keep sounds from the outside world from leaking in or your moans from leaking out. If you can't feel comfortable having sex because of the noises, then see what you can do about keeping them either in or out. If you can't relax then you're not going to enjoy the sex, if you're able to get that far.

Take advantage of unexpected moments of free time. The kids are at the neighbor's house playing for an hour or so and you're all alone. Put down the rake and mop and get your butts up to the bedroom! The kids are wrapped up in watching a movie that is an hour and a half long. Make sure they have snacks and something to drink then get yourself to the bedroom.

Send the kids to Grandma's or Aunt Peggy's house for the evening or an overnight visit at least once a month. As much as you need to make time to have sex become more a part of your life you also need to make time to be a couple. So many couples forget this and never have time to relax. If you can't afford to go out, have a picnic on the living room floor ... or, better yet, in bed!

It is the new year and it's not too late to make a few new resolutions. Make a resolution today, as a couple, to make spending intimate time a priority in your relationship and put the 'seal' on it by actually making the time to have sex.

The Warm Up: How to Get in the Mood

One thing that I have always enjoyed about sex is that so much of it can happen outside the bedroom. These are things that can help to get you 'in the mood', and also give your partner a heads up that you're in the mood. No, I'm not talking about smoldering glances and come hither looks, though those can help too.

The Written Word
Write down your favorite fantasy for your lover. Put your lover in the starring role and make love to him or her with your words. Nothing too flowery or sappy, but loving and romantic work. This is a good way to let your lover know you'd like to try something new and give them the ground works for being able to help you explore it. When I've written stories for my lovers I always make it as realistic as I can. It helps stoke their ego and gives them something to think about. More than once a tale has come true for me.

Send each other suggestive e-mails back and forth during the day. Suddenly have the discussion about getting the car's oil changed would become innuendos about lube jobs and pipe cleanings. My ex was fluent in several languages so sometimes I would send him e-mail with one sentence of what I would like to do with him later in Latin or German (thanks to Google's translation tool!) so that his co-workers wouldn't know what I was saying. Later when we were in bed he would reply then translate it for me by showing me what he had said.

Gestures
I used to be able to make my ex-boyfriend melt by licking my finger. Sometimes I would just be sitting at my computer and catch him glancing over at me and would lightly lick my fingers. The memory of what my tongue feels like when I do that to his cock would kick in and instant trigger. You can't do it all the time and it might not work all the time but it is nice to have in your arsenal. What sorts of things could you do that would remind your lover of things he/she loves in the bedroom?

Attitude
If you're grumpy or yelling at your partner you're much less likely to find them in the mood later. Help get them more in the mood by being more relaxed and friendly. Help out with dinner or watch his favorite show instead of reading without your partner having to ask. A bit of 'charity' and 'good spirit' go a long way towards making fun much more likely to happen.

Touching
Some touching can be incredible for The Warm Up. A caress here, an unexpected deep kiss, a gentle nipple tweak or nibble on the neck over the course of the evening can set your lover heading in the right direction. Some examples: Sneak up behind him and run your hand over his chest and stomach then stop at the belt for a few seconds before lightly running your hand over his groin. Smile then wink as you go on your way. While she's at the sink washing dishes, wrap your arms around her then nibble on her neck before going on your way.

Give your partner a massage to help relax them. I don't mean a sexual or erotic one, just a good, general purpose massage. Get the shoulders, neck, back, scalp or their hand and arms or feet. Whatever is feeling stiff and sore, massage and release the tension. If you're not sure how to do this get a book like Massage for Dummies.

If these things are new to your relationship start off small and slowly make them more a regular part of your relationship. If you try something and it doesn't work then try something a little bit different until you do find things that work. Let me know how it goes and what is working. Your experience might just help someone else!