For most men, the idea of having sex with more than one woman at the same time is a major turn on. If their significant other were to suggest a threesome then they would be very happy. Many women have had the fantasy of being with two guys at the same time. It would seem like this would be a great way to extend your play time, right?
Yes, and no.
If your relationship is strong and can handle the emotional upheaval that could be caused by added person, then go for it. Unfortunately, most relationships aren't where they need to be to include a third person. Adding a third member to the bed can cause jealousy, low self-esteem and possessiveness. Frequently these things aren't discovered until the couple is in the midst of a threesome or after the encounter.
If you decide to go for it, here are some tips for making it work.
Ulterior Motives
Are you both doing this for the right reasons? Do you want to share this experience because the idea turns both of you on and you think it would be fun? This should bring you closer together sexually, not drive you apart. Don’t do it if either of you are thinking about ending the relationship or if one of you is bored with your sex life.
Communication
Honest and open communication is essential. Make sure to lay a lot of confidence building groundwork with your partner. If the idea of sharing you is making your partner at all nervous, they needs to know you are totally committed to them and are doing this to enhance your sexual relationship. Don’t overdo it, but let it come naturally. If you have any concerns you should share them too. Doing this will increase the chances of a successful encounter significantly.
Finding a Third
Picking the right person to share your bed for the night is a major undertaking. This situation requires just the right combination of comfort and detachment. Never, ever suggest one of your ex's or even someone you've hooked up with before. In fact, your best course of action is to let your partner choose, helping you to avoid saying the wrong name and causing a whole mess of emotional turmoil. Most likely, the person will be a complete stranger.
Approach this like you would finding any sex partner. Make sure everyone gets tested for STIs and share that information with everyone involved. Even if everyone is disease free make sure you have condoms, spermicide, dental dams and any other contraceptive devices you feel comfortable with. Don’t forget to use them! They are there to make sure all you take home with you is a great memory.
Finding the Right Location
Do not do it in the bed you share together or at either of your homes, and don't do it at the third person's place either. The best place for the encounter is someplace neutral. Book a hotel room for the night, which will help make the occasion seem more special and out of the ordinary. Don't choose a place where you're likely to go to again for other reasons, if it turns out badly you're not going to want to have the reminder.
Ground Rules
Establish ground rules that apply to everyone involved. What exactly is allowed? What isn’t? Get very specific. Hashing out the details ahead of time will save you a lot of trouble down the road. Once you’ve confirmed the dos and don’ts with your partner make sure you've shared this information with the third member of the group. Find out from them what they're willing to do and what they won't do.
DO NOT violate these boundaries, no matter how tempted you are. Stick to the plan and do only what you decided on earlier. If it goes well and it is something you're interested in doing again then you can decide to try the other things.
Dividing Your Attention
Make absolutely sure that you don’t pay more attention to your third party than you do to your partner. If your partner is afraid of anything, it is probably that you think the other person is more attractive. Don’t let your partner feel neglected. A good way to avoid this is to encourage everyone to pay attention to each other and make yours a supporting role to both of them.
Have a great time and let us know how it goes for you!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Getting Educated
The one thing you can do right now to make your sex life better is to become an informed lover. Read blogs like this, buy and read books that explain how it all works and how-to’s (such as my The Woman’s Guide to Enjoying Sex), ask your lover what does and doesn’t work for them, and share what does and doesn’t work for you. It is an investment in time and energy that will be very well spent and one you won’t regret.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Developing Skills: The Blow Job
Today I was talking to a friend of mine about his girlfriend and how she refuses to give him a blow job. Her reasons are "you're too big" and "my mouth is too small" to which he replies "porn stars with smaller mouths suck bigger cocks than mine." How is this possible? Practice, practice, practice!
If you're in a committed relationship the practice options are pretty limited if you're looking for a human to work with on this. But there are many other ways to practice and all can be done when your partner isn't around. This would be a great way to surprise him for his birthday or your anniversary!
Dildos
The best thing to practice on that is the closest to the real thing is a dildo, preferably a flexible one. You can start off with a toy that is shorter and not as thick as your partner and work your way up. The bonus is that when you buy the toys they can be used in other ways with your partner.
You can use the toy to practice your licking technique then take just the tip into your mouth and work on stretching your mouth wide enough to accomodate the dildo and how to cover your teeth so you don't accidentally bite down on your partner. Once you've got that down you can start taking more into your mouth and work on swallowing as much of it as you can.
Always make sure the toy is clean before you start using it for practice!
Ice Cream
When I was in my late teens I worked at a used paperback books store and I discovered a book that changed my life. It was called The Sensuous Woman
. I had never had sex or even had a chance on the horizon to have sex but I ate up this book. I still have it as a reference book in my sex stuff library. The one thing I learned from the book that has served me well has been using ice cream to learn how to better please your partner.
My favorite choice for ice cream is a medium soft serve. It might be a bit thick when you first get started but you can practice your licking technique to get it down to a more managable size. I tend to form the ice cream into a somewhat phallic shape that ends up being about 5-6" long. Then I start going down on it and seeing how much of it I can put in my mouth. I am always pleased as punch when my lips touch the top of the cone.
While this is my favorite method for practicing (especially on a hot summer evening!) it can be bad for your waistline and your wallet.
Bananas
A peeled banana is another way to practice and is a bit more healthy. They're reasonably thin and more shaped like a penis would be when you're going down on it. This is also a good way to see how your 'teeth hiding' skills are going because you'll definitely leave an impression on the soft fruit if your teeth are exposed.
Gagging
We all have a gag reflex, to one extent or another, and a penis shoved to the back of your mouth is very likely to trigger yours. To keep from having the gag reflex from happening when his cock goes deep into your mouth you need to get used to having something there. Some people can never learn to control their gag reflex because it is just to sensitive but your partner will be thrilled if you are able to so they can fill your mouth with their cock.
To Swallow or Not to Swallow
Swallowing is something that you need to discuss with your partner once you start giving your partner blow jobs. I personally don't like to swallow but will as a treat for my boyfriend every now and again. Being able to finish the job in your mouth is something that will make your partner very happy but it isn't required.
This is also something else that can trigger your gag reflex. Again, practice makes perfect. Ask your partner can give you a heads up when it is coming you'll be better prepared for the arrival of the thick, warm liquid. Remember, not all blow jobs have to end in ejaculation. A blow job can be used just for foreplay purposes.
If you decide to let him cum in your mouth do not spit it out. It is really insulting. Your partner most likely would rather not have you try than to have you do this. I don't mind having my face or breasts covered with his cum and it is an alternative that your partner may also enjoy as it is something you see in porn movies but don't really get to do in real life (or so I've been told!).
Advanced: Deep Throating
Being able to deep throat is a very special skill and requires you to learn how to tilt your head and what positions work best to allow all of his cock to fill your mouth. This is best practiced with your partner when you're comfortable with giving him 'regular' blow jobs. Your partner will be over the moon if you're able to learn this skill.
For me I've found the best thing is when I'm kneeling near the edge of the bed and he's standing next to the bed with on foot on the floor and the other on the bed next to me. That puts his cock just enough below the level of my mouth and allows me to create a tunnel for his cock that goes down my throat. You may have to adjust this depending on how high your bed is and how tall your partner is.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Like with any other skill, you need to keep practicing it to keep your jaw flexible and to improve your technique. If your partner tells you he likes it when you do X or Y then that is what you need to practice. The best thing you can do once you start giving your partner a blow job is to listen to what he says works for him. He may not express it in words but his moans and sighs will tell you everything you need to know.
As always, have fun with it!
If you're in a committed relationship the practice options are pretty limited if you're looking for a human to work with on this. But there are many other ways to practice and all can be done when your partner isn't around. This would be a great way to surprise him for his birthday or your anniversary!
Dildos
The best thing to practice on that is the closest to the real thing is a dildo, preferably a flexible one. You can start off with a toy that is shorter and not as thick as your partner and work your way up. The bonus is that when you buy the toys they can be used in other ways with your partner.
You can use the toy to practice your licking technique then take just the tip into your mouth and work on stretching your mouth wide enough to accomodate the dildo and how to cover your teeth so you don't accidentally bite down on your partner. Once you've got that down you can start taking more into your mouth and work on swallowing as much of it as you can.
Always make sure the toy is clean before you start using it for practice!
Ice Cream
When I was in my late teens I worked at a used paperback books store and I discovered a book that changed my life. It was called The Sensuous Woman
. I had never had sex or even had a chance on the horizon to have sex but I ate up this book. I still have it as a reference book in my sex stuff library. The one thing I learned from the book that has served me well has been using ice cream to learn how to better please your partner.My favorite choice for ice cream is a medium soft serve. It might be a bit thick when you first get started but you can practice your licking technique to get it down to a more managable size. I tend to form the ice cream into a somewhat phallic shape that ends up being about 5-6" long. Then I start going down on it and seeing how much of it I can put in my mouth. I am always pleased as punch when my lips touch the top of the cone.
While this is my favorite method for practicing (especially on a hot summer evening!) it can be bad for your waistline and your wallet.
Bananas
A peeled banana is another way to practice and is a bit more healthy. They're reasonably thin and more shaped like a penis would be when you're going down on it. This is also a good way to see how your 'teeth hiding' skills are going because you'll definitely leave an impression on the soft fruit if your teeth are exposed.
Gagging
We all have a gag reflex, to one extent or another, and a penis shoved to the back of your mouth is very likely to trigger yours. To keep from having the gag reflex from happening when his cock goes deep into your mouth you need to get used to having something there. Some people can never learn to control their gag reflex because it is just to sensitive but your partner will be thrilled if you are able to so they can fill your mouth with their cock.
To Swallow or Not to Swallow
Swallowing is something that you need to discuss with your partner once you start giving your partner blow jobs. I personally don't like to swallow but will as a treat for my boyfriend every now and again. Being able to finish the job in your mouth is something that will make your partner very happy but it isn't required.
This is also something else that can trigger your gag reflex. Again, practice makes perfect. Ask your partner can give you a heads up when it is coming you'll be better prepared for the arrival of the thick, warm liquid. Remember, not all blow jobs have to end in ejaculation. A blow job can be used just for foreplay purposes.
If you decide to let him cum in your mouth do not spit it out. It is really insulting. Your partner most likely would rather not have you try than to have you do this. I don't mind having my face or breasts covered with his cum and it is an alternative that your partner may also enjoy as it is something you see in porn movies but don't really get to do in real life (or so I've been told!).
Advanced: Deep Throating
Being able to deep throat is a very special skill and requires you to learn how to tilt your head and what positions work best to allow all of his cock to fill your mouth. This is best practiced with your partner when you're comfortable with giving him 'regular' blow jobs. Your partner will be over the moon if you're able to learn this skill.
For me I've found the best thing is when I'm kneeling near the edge of the bed and he's standing next to the bed with on foot on the floor and the other on the bed next to me. That puts his cock just enough below the level of my mouth and allows me to create a tunnel for his cock that goes down my throat. You may have to adjust this depending on how high your bed is and how tall your partner is.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Like with any other skill, you need to keep practicing it to keep your jaw flexible and to improve your technique. If your partner tells you he likes it when you do X or Y then that is what you need to practice. The best thing you can do once you start giving your partner a blow job is to listen to what he says works for him. He may not express it in words but his moans and sighs will tell you everything you need to know.
As always, have fun with it!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Liberator Ramps Up Sex Play
There are so many different toys and pieces of equipment that you can add to your sex fun. The Liberator Bedroom Adventures Series is made up of pillows, ramps, wedges and other fun shapes and furniture to help make having sex more enjoyable and encourages you to try new positions. While not exactly cheap, the Liberator series offers a wide range of fun and is durable as well as easily washable. They also sell unique toys and cater to those on the kinkier side of things as well.
I will definitely be talking to the boyfriend about getting something from here for our play time!
I will definitely be talking to the boyfriend about getting something from here for our play time!
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